I have been meeting a lot of people recently who are in search of love….
I dont pretend to know what love is, but I think I now have a fair idea. I think the reason that these people (including me) have been searching for it so frantically because they have felt it before. They have felt it, and they have lost it. They have lost it, and they appreciate what they had.
Love… it’s not a feeling, you know! It’s… a feeling in action. It’s… taking out time from your busy schedule. It’s… wanting to share everything you have experienced in that short time you were away. It’s… that morning ” I miss you, beautiful.” message in your whatsapp inbox. It’s… “baby, I’m so mad at you right now, but I love you. I’ll talk to you in 1 hour.” It’s… checking last time s/he was on whatsapp and did not text you. It’s… reading “elite daily’s” articles about love. It’s… “i get it your busy, but I want to hear your voice just now. Talk to me about the trees… i don’t care!” It’s… having coffee in different cities at the same time, because it’s our special thing.” It’s… I want to watch this movie alone cos it reminds me of you. It’s… “i know you’re mad at me, but I’m here waiting for you to get over it.” It’s…”sorry, I can’t talk to you right now cos I need to talk to my love.” It’s… “I don’t want to be pushy, but I miss you and I am mad at you cos you don’t have time!” It’s… “baby, I miss your ‘pohey’ breakfast.” It’s… “I get your past, but I am here for you. I want your trust, cos I know that the love will be a super-duper bumper offer.” It’s… strumming to “i will be your father figure..” on the guitar while you’re trying out clothes for the dinner party. It’s… waking up to the morning tea, and then you don’t feel sleepy anymore. It’s…texting because you see them online. It’s… rescheduling your business meeting. It’s… **chocks cos she’s emotional**
And then 1 day, it’s lost. And after it’s lost, it’s time to move on. This world is changing drastically though. Trying to move on out of love is difficult. It is difficult because definitions have changed, and so have social priorities. So, staying in the past is safe. Where the old definition of love makes complete sense. Where love was egoless, effortless, timeless, a constant flow of “amrit,” a warm feeling…the ultimate!
People tell me that this new love they think they have is so difficult. It’s so distraught, and so disconnected. I want you to know, that you’re not being replaced. It’s just taking time for me to carve you an exclusive place. I have chosen you, and I am going to love you forever. My love for you is perinneal. Give me a chance to let you love forever. Give me a chance to know that you are going to love me forever.
It’s difficult for me to let go what I held onto so tightly. It’s difficult for me to build this new road with you, from the dead-end that I am at. It’s difficult for me to collect all the new ingredients when I thought my baked chocolate cake would last forever. It’s difficult for me to switch to a music player when I had live guitar playing for me all the time. It’s difficult for me to love your flaws, especially when I am trying to rectify mine. It’s difficult for me to get over this guilt. But you are special to me, and I am trying so hard.
All I want is a whole lot of patience, and an initiative that this untrodden territory with you will be a very happy place. If you can support me on this one rope bridge, which I am walking on to get to you, I promise you that I will walk the whole land mile with you, and more… I just need you to be selfless, and giving! Even a butcher coaxes the bull into the slaughterhouse….
If it is too time consuming for you, then I let you go…without hate and without hurt. I will understand. But you need to know, I am like this because when I love, I love with everything I’ve got. I did it in the past, and it has taken me a long time to find someone special I can give everything to… and it’s you!
Dedicated to: My soul sister, Mamta!
“Thank you for making me express that I was unwilling to….”