NO MORE ABUSE, PLS!


She called me in the evening and told me she had to speak to me urgently. I was at a restaurant with my friends, and was shocked and surprised to receive her call. She was my ex-husband girlfriend (now ex, too). She seemed quite desperate to speak to me. The first thing that ran through my head is that: What does a girl who hates me so much, want from me at this hour? It was 1130 in the night.

Finishing up with the dinner, I picked her up from the meeting point and took her home. Although I didn’t trust her, I was sorry for her. She had tears in her eyes as she walked with me to the swings. My ex-husband’s girlfriend, who hated me (for nothing, really!), had come to me for help/support. I felt sorry for her, and gave her a hug. There was no more ill-will from either side. And then she spoke her heart out, although just a little!

What struck me most about the conversation was her statement: I have come to you, Shweta, because you are the only person who can understand me than anyone else.

It was true. I wish I had someone to understand me when I was going through an emotional trauma of an abusive husband. Although I had my family with a full support, I couldn’t discuss everything with them. I wished I had a friend who could understand me, and NOT sympathize with me.

I was in an abusive marriage with a man for 9 whole months. We dated for 3 years until we tied the knot. Our relationship lasted all the way when I was in the USA and he was in India. And after we were married, I found out, that I was conned into this relationship – not only by this man, but his entire family. The family that lied to me and my family, for money and status.

This is my story:

I met him for work. He said he owned Matrix Events/ KlubX Events, and since I met him through a business website (ryze.com), I believed him. I believed that he was an investment banker who worked for an American based company. I don’t think I was naïve or blind, but it was all a lie that was nicely woven. Each bit of it was neatly planned and synchronized. All the other participants playing in this drama were updated and customized to suit their roles – his family, friends, and colleagues included.

When I finally left for the USA, this man expressed his undying love for me, and I fell in the trap. We continued through (with break ups, on and off) until he came to the USA, to rescue his relationship. He said he could continue his “business” from any part of the world. So, he worked while I studied in the USA. This is 2 months before I was married to him.

We went to Vegas, Atlantic City, NYC, long car drives to historic places around the Delaware River, a drive to Virginia to meet my brother and his family, and all those couple things. Little did I know that we were spending 10,000 USD that he took from my father before he left India to visit me. (No, I can live without a rich man, who I can’t live with are liars and con-men). But this was not the end of the money scam. After this, he took additional 5000 USD, and then 2000 USD more. But at that time, our relationship was already deteriorating so it was convenient for him to take the money. Interestingly he still asks my dad for money. In all his emails to my father (which were only revealed to me since I petitioned in the court) was: “My clients will give me money in 2-3 days. Till then please send me X amount and don’t tell Shweta about this. We are going through a rough patch.”

Damn right we were going through a tough patch! The man hit me almost every day and scowled and grinded his teeth on other days. What I remember in this marriage is a lot of screaming, shouting, breaking stuff, and my broken mouth or a swollen lip … and lots and lots of tears. And I am still deaf in my left ear. Rough patch it sure was…but I thought it was only a phase. You see, women in India seem to want to save their marriage as desperately as they can. It is a matter of their family’s name in the society, and unfortunately for me, I chose to marry this man. It seemed that my (ex) husband knew this and took full advantage of this fact. So, I went online to look for incidences and how couples overcame their problems, bought books with names like “7 things that happy couples do.” I tried everything in my capacity to change myself to make my marriage a success. But soon… things were going out of control.

In the USA, when only I could drive and he didn’t have a license, there were abuses in the air when I chose to study than get out in the pouring rain to buy him beers. I bore public show downs in my university parking lots if I was 15 minutes late from the class to the car, where he was waiting for me. I was punched against the wall if I had to hurry for my classes than listen to his bullshit about what a great businessman he is! And an epic unforgettable incidence when he threw $20 bills amounting to 500 USD on my face in the smoking section of my regular bar saying: “This is your worth slut!” and then a gentleman who collected all those bills for me while I wept.

But it doesn’t end here. And then when we returned to India, the tantrums and the breaking of glasses, beer bottles, the air cooler, my perfume bottles, and the flinging of food plates, and the punching in the wall, and… the chocking of my throat, or banging my head on the walls! It never stopped. There was a reason to do one of these every single day. Reasons: “stop studying and start being a wife. Your research is not as important as your husband” or “why is there only 1 beer bottle in the fridge? Why don’t you tell me when it’s getting over?” Or “I don’t care if the maid is here or not, you sweep the floor, and swap it, and cook food, and make time for your husband” or “you cannot hang around with my female friends without me.. how dare you” or “who asked you to go through my phone? How many every new girls I speak to or make friends with, it’s none of your concern. You just do what a wife does” or “why do your friends come home? They should give a 24hrs notice if they want to see you.”

And after all this, I finally sought to seek out help. Considering his parents know him for longer than my parents, I opened my heart to his mother and just got one response: “he is like his father. His father also chocks and hits me when he is angry. You just have to bear it. If I can, you can too. It runs in our family.” What could I have said to such a response? But yea… the outcome of this discussion was that my (ex) husband needs a new wife cos I was not worth keeping! But they decided that they are going to spare me, and let me be his wife for the sake of my family’s name in the society.

Interestingly, this didn’t deter me from saving my marriage. After all, it was only 3 months into the marriage. I thought I should give it 3 more months. I guess this decision made me stronger, and I started to retaliate by kicking him in his privates, or punching him back. It was not healthy for sure, but I wanted to make a point, HIS way! What followed these abuses were flowers and gifts! I don’t want flowers in the vase of my dining table reminding me of the bruise on the arm or the head!

And then came the psychiatrist. He chose to go by himself and sort things out in his head. But it looked like he enjoyed the company of this shrink, and I found out much later that he was having an affair on the outside, with some girl that he met on Facebook.

And then, I chose to walk out. But it doesn’t end there. The trauma and the pain remain for a long long time, until one internally decides to move on – stronger or weaker. And I am only glad that I became strong.

Unfortunately, this man still lies in the society. He goes by an investment banker, or a photographer from NYC, and a graduate of LBS (LBS&F – confusion there!). He believes that it is okay for him to keep lying because the women who have come into his life have done nothing to expose him. But the truth is, which woman wants to be associated in vengeance with this scum?

Many women face such incidences in their own lives and I think they always want to share it so that someone can understand them and tell them that they did it right, and that they are stronger, and the society can go to hell. Many others choose to stay in this abusive relationship. I am sharing my story here, and I am looking to learn from yours. Share my story and ask others to share theirs… we are all sisters in hand, and if we can help each other, it is only because we can “empathize” each other. Sympathy is not what we’re looking for, really!!

Today is the 16 February, 2013. I live in a country that is my motherland, and governmentally run by women of strength like Sonia Gandhi, Sushma Swaraj, Mamta Banerjee, and like, but still abuse is rampant on women in different ways. I am writing this blog to my fellow women in India and across the world and to my fellow brothers too, not to gain justice, pity, or sympathy, but to tell every woman who is going through unethical and inhumane trauma (be it in the present or the past) that she has a friend in spirit, and will never be as alone as I was.

If you are reading, then you know, YOU are not alone!

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Published by: shwetalogy

Camera | Car | Coffee | Cigarettes | Cats - are 5 things I can't live without. I worry about the world in every sense, including our deteriorating capitalism, culture, environment, families, and politics. Connecting dots to all the above is my hobby, which I pen down here. Everything in the world is connected, and we need to find the wedges to swim through for a better future. I am funny like that, and I love clicking photographs, you can follow my instagram @shwetalogy

Categories UncategorizedTags, , 11 Comments

11 thoughts on “NO MORE ABUSE, PLS!”

    1. @aniruddha & @redchappals :I have lodged a police complaint against this guy already .Also there are proceedings pending in the court of Law.Also this blog is seemingly to warn women against such guys and share our experiences. I cannot name him for now but hopefully will soon .Secondly I keep worrying about my safety against such a evil guy .:(-

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  1. Dear Shweta, as you much as i wish to empathize with your situation, somewhere in my heart, it stops me. Not that I haven’t seen domestic violence in marital relationships in India, but this one certainly sounds very confusing. Reading your blog, you certainly don’t look like someone who can take so much shit. If you could walk out of a frens home at a very late hour(as shared by you in your previous blog), choose not to go to your parents home(whatever situation you might have been in) and land up at someone’s place who wasn’t really so close to you, I doubt if someone was so abusive to you, you would take it on for months and months.

    I come from a different spectrum of things. I know of several false stories of cruelty and domestic violence! And that’s probably why I have doubts here. How could your father give so much money to a man, you weren’t till then even married to? You being such an independent, intelligent and free will person, fell to all these lies, though it takes just minutes today to verify someone’s identity online (several friends of mine, probably lesser educated than you have identified and ignored fake matrimony proposals online). And then he stayed all those months in US on your expenses, kept on abusing you, and you never reported!!! I am sure you know, he can never be tried for all those inhumane acts in India as severely as he could be in US. And you never reported!

    I hope you win the case Shweta. And if the person is a real fraud, he would definitely be punished. However, I would urge you to go through thousands of fake domestic violence cases filed everyday in India. It seems, girls are no longer interested to make a family, but every bit desperate to break from clutters of this relationship that needs commitment, dedication and responsibility – not only from a woman but every bit from a man too. If your case is genuine, no one can stop his trial. but if it is a relationship gone sour and you have your side of story, i can only have pity on that man.

    These stories might give you a perspective on why I am saying what I am saying: http://www.jagran.com/uttarakhand/dehradun-city-10140908.html, http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2009-08-12/bangalore/28203590_1_dowry-harassment-software-engineer-techie, http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-07-01/bangalore/29726022_1_dowry-death-suicide-note-dowry-harassment

    These are just three of probably three lac news articles you would find on such incidences! You might be every inch true, but rampant fake cases today make it hard to believe even genuine cases like you…..Good luck for your case!

    I would also like to know your opinion on cases where girls family asks for a fake case settlement amount of 1 Crore…..

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    1. Deepika, thanks for your inputs. I realize that it takes time to trust stories that you read randomly… There are too many angles out there.
      About my opinion about 1 crore settlement, I believe it’s subjective. I cannot and will not speak for other women. But for me, personally, no amount of money can compensate for this hurtful experience.

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  2. I cannot believe this story of yours due to two reasons:
    1. You are trying to say that u and ur family fall in a trap of a con man who cheated you from day one and when u realised that he conned you why you and ur family was trying to save ur marriage. We live in 21st centuary where divorce is a very normal feature.
    2.If ur ex husband so abusive and maltreated u as projected why you have not taken any legal remidies. Ur a educated girl I am sure ur aware abt the rights which have been given to women especilly wives in this country u would hav made his life hell rather then urs so. I think ur jst trying to take sympathy for that which has never happened.

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  3. After going through so many fake stories and cases this story is hard to believe . You have a laws to protect yourself but what about those women who dont have any law ? There are sisters and mothers suffering because of false cooked up cases against them . Same(above)story is written in FIR lodged but no truth in the story . My so called bhabhi says same which never happened , my brother lost life because of her falsehood . No law , no commission to listen to us . Everyone is sympatised by the fake story cooked by her . I dont understand this propoganda , you have a law go and use it , abuse is from both the genders . You cant blame men for all the problems . You married a man because he was rich and when you saw he is not then all this, right ???????

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  4. I know who you are talking about. About time the truth about this sick person came out, sad to say I knew this chap, and even have seen him pull this con of being an investment banker from the USA on several women, such scum & losers must be exposed and brought to justice! If you need support and help with more information to expose such scum, just ask, I’ll help.

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